=)

Well if that last post was a prayer, someone up there likes me- I got the show! =)

Life Upon the Wicked Stage...

I had an audition today for a show. It's nothing that will make me rich or famous, but I want it sooooooooooooooo badly. It's a role I've wanted to play for years and one I KNOW I could do well. Just thinking about it... *sigh*
I feel I did o.k. at the audition in terms of singing, and I know I did well acting-wise because for this role, I couldn't NOT; she's just so me; I just feel this character with all my heart and soul-- and both came out when I read for her. And now the waiting game:
"When will you let us know?"
"Oh this week, definitely."
O.k.. That could mean anytime between Monday and Saturday really... a world of difference when you're waiting to hear if one of your dreams is finally coming true and fighting off crying fits as you do.
(I know, I cry a lot, if you're just getting to know me through this blog, get used to it.)
I know I should just forget it now and go on as if I didn't get it- move on, think positively, believe that there are other shows just as wonderful, just around the corner...
It's hard.
And I know the director. He's a friend. I have to fight with every fiber of my being not to just call him and say, "Honey, just give it to me straight. Do I have it or not? And if not," *beginning to cry,* "WHY NOT?!?!"
But I won't.
I will wait.
I will hope.
*SIGH*

Home Sweet Home

What is it about being in the house I grew up in that brings memories flooding back to me? Sometimes the tide is so strong that it knocks me over, filling my nose and mouth, threatening for a moment to drown me in a memory. Thoughts come back to me that I haven’t visited in decades. Pain that I hadn’t remembered for years suddenly fills my chest and I am briefly breathless. Or a happy memory fills me with joy and once again I have the spring in my step from age seven. What is this strange phenomenon? It’s almost like déjà vu.

I guess it wouldn’t surprise me so much if I had come home after years of absence, but I return to my childhood dwelling every few months, so it still surprises me when it happens. Do I hold on to the past too much? Is it just that my memories are still so vivid? I know, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just kind of freaks me out sometimes.

I often think of that terrific movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and wish I too could erase certain memories. The only problem is I’m sure I would be somehow lacking, somehow hungry without them, even the most painful.

Why do I remember so much? Why haven’t the pictures of my past faded more? Is there something more I should’ve realized? I know I still have much to learn in this life, I just thought the lessons would be found in my future, not in days gone by...

Which president?

I think they should really change the name of this holiday. It should be Good Presidents Day or something. As it is, one would think its a day to celebrate ALL presidents, and I'm not down with that. I mean, COME ON: the President of Walt Disney? Exxon? Nixon too? No way, man.

"I said it once before but it bears repeating now"

I've been talking about this a lot lately, so I'm sorry if some of you have already heard/read this, but I think it's important... so forgive me for repeating myself:

Manners are on the swift decline in this country. People can be so rude. It's so rare that people send thank you notes for gifts anymore, let alone hold doors open for people or say 'please' and 'excuse me.' I had to walk all around NYC the other day pushing a baby in a stroller through the snow. I got stuck several times and not only did people not offer to help me, but most cut me off or got in my way! And the three times I actually held a door for someone else, or let them pass before me (and the stroller), they didn't even say THANK YOU!

Some have scoffed at my talk of manners, saying they are unimportant, unnecessary and even a waste of time. I thoroughly disagree. When people have good manners, or as I like to call it SHOWING BASIC HUMAN DECENCY, it makes everyone happier and it makes living in a city (especially one as crowded as NYC), easier in every way.

My mother is one of the kindest, most generous and thoughtful human beings on the planet. She has taken care of everyone in our family, in sickness and in health, and she brought me up to be the kind of person who appreciates her efforts and tries to emulate her behavior. She’s famous for always having a shoulder for others to cry on, always being the one people lean on, and always making others feel comfortable; SHE IS A GREAT FRIEND. She always shows gratitude when others show her kindness, and it makes me a little sad that not everyone shows her as much appreciation for the things she does for them. She taught me that not only is it "good manners" to say please, send thank you notes, etc., it also MAKES PEOPLE FEEL GOOD. And I don't know about you, but making others happy makes me happy too. Conversely, when people are in their own little world, not caring about anyone else (even going out of their way to ignore others), it upsets me. Not just because I feel slighted, but because those people live very sad, lonely lives; when you don't care about other people, chances are, few people will care about you.

So yes: when someone holds a door for me I say thank you. When someone gives me a birthday present or shows me an act of kindness, I try to send them a thank you note. Not just because my mother taught me that it's the polite thing to do, but also because I care about the people in my life and want to show them appreciation and gratitude. My mother taught me that's what people should do for each other.

Man's (city dweller's) best friend

One chapter in one of Jennifer Weiner's cute novels has a great opening paragraph about pets, talking about how she thinks everyone who moves to a big city should have to get a dog or a cat. It would just be one of those things: you move, you do the address change, you do the driver's license switch, and you adopt a pet. I thoroughly agree (unless one is really allergic). I don't even know how I lived in NYC for so long without my pup. Seeing him in the snow last weekend made all the cold, all the mess, all the walking through puddles and stumbling over snow drifts worthwhile. Sure I had one day where I got frustrated and cursed the clouds, but when I got the pictures back of him in the snow I felt silly for ever having been upset. I mean, look at that face?!?! And there's nothing like having someone welcome you when you come home; my dad always talks about how having a dog made him feel like a king, like the most important person in the world, because every day, EVERY TIME he returned home, he got the ultimate royal welcome. Sure it's a little neurotic that my dog acts like I've been gone for years when I get home after 5 hours, or that during that time he seemed to consider that I might never return, but what joy! To see that tail way like it's never wagged before, to be covered in kisses, to be unable to stop myself from squealing cooing at him like I haven't seem him in weeks, to have him circling around me like he's trying to keep me from leaving again... it's SO adorable and such a wonderful feeling of mutual adoration.

I highly recommend it. =)

Club Med, Take Me Away...

Has anyone else seen those Club Med ads that say things like "Life needs you to make room for someone to sit next to you. Life wants to see pictures of your 6 month old niece." These freakin' ads (which I have seen in on the subway) make me have to fight from bawling like a baby in front of all the other sufferers of rush hour. They paint such a picture of a utopia where everyone is nice and kind and considerate... and then I realize they're trying to sell me something. Granted, I had a couple of AWESOME vacations with the lovely Club Med people as a kid with my parents, but still: no resort is so great and powerful as to be able to make everyone nicer people upon arriving on their island... yet! ;)

Hello... I've been expecting me...

So o.k., so I guess it was inevitable when I started posting on other people’s blogs that I’d start my own. One of my friends even said, "we’ve all been talking and we’ve decided you need your own." I didn’t really want the responsibility, but who knows, maybe I’ll grow to like it. ;)

So while I thank anyone who visits, and welcome all comments with open arms, I have a few requests:
1.No insults. If you want to insult someone, go find one of those bums on the streets of NYC with signs that read "Tell me off for $1." Or go to someone else’s blog. I will remove any posts that put people down (including myself) or blatantly make fun of others. You want to disagree with someone? TOTALLY COOL! But calling people idiots or saying things like, "What rock have you been under that you think THAT is acceptable?!?!" won’t fly. Sorry!
2.If I know you, please don’t let me know. The reason I’ve called my blog Shannonymous is that while you may know who I am, I don’t want to know who you are because I’ve found that depending on who I’m responding to, my answers and opinions may totally vary, and on MY blog, I want to be totally honest and unbiased… it’s an experiment of sorts and it may not work, but I’d like to give it a shot. If you think you may want to be a repeat offender in terms of posting on Shannonymous, feel free to give yourself a nickname or something, but don’t make it obvious who you are… o.k.? =) I may break down after a week and email people saying, "Are you ‘Black Bear’?" or "That last post by ‘L Train Lady’ was totally you, wasn’t it?!?!" but I’m going to try and show some restraint.
3.Random thoughts are TOTALLY WELCOME!!!!! =) Just because I post about one thing, doesn’t mean you can’t make a comment on a totally different topic! Who knows- hilarity may ensue… ;)

Sorry if that sounds like too much to remember or whatever, I’m just trying to try some shit out, ya know? I hope you’ll visit and gimme a "shout out!" =)
Love always,
Shannonymous