What'd You Call Me?!?!

Here we go again. Another celebrity having a racist rant and then saying, “Oh! I didn’t mean it! I was just drunk! That wasn’t me!” Only this time, I don’t think Michael Richards is even admitting he was messed up on something, which he clearly seems to be on the footage I viewed.

O.k., so sometimes people do say stuff they don’t mean when they’re drunk, like, “No mom, I wasn’t drinking,” or “I’m looking for a serious relationship; I would really love to go to your place so we can TALK.” But racist rants? Anger-fueled insults? Those are rarely lies. Those usually have at least a core, a kernel, of truth.

I’ve been angry and drunk (occasionally at the same time! ;), and I have found myself wanting to insult someone. Once or twice a racist remark might cross my mind, because I think of what someone else might say or what I heard someone utter in a film. THAT is anger; THAT is confusion. But racism is saying it out loud and meaning it. Racism is knowing what words will truly hurt and enrage a certain person or group because of their historical connotations and saying those words anyway. Racism is loading up your gun with the most hateful ammunition… and then shooting.

A popular song from a musical I know is “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist,” which satirizes the sad truth that no one is immune to stereotypes and it is almost impossible for someone to be truly colorblind. But the difference between being slightly prejudiced and being a downright bigot, in my opinion, is one’s actions and words.

I am not a racist. Therefore words like those used by Mel Gibson to the LAPD and Michael Richards at the Laugh Factory WOULD NEVER COME FROM MY MOUTH. They COULD never come from my mouth. No matter how drunk or angry I could ever be, it just wouldn’t happen. I mean, let’s face it: when I’m drunk I’m much MORE honest and uncensored than when I’m sober—my truest thoughts and desires pour from my mouth, sometimes uncontrollably. I think this is true for most people, whether they like to admit it or not, or unless they are using specific lies to achieve a specific goal. Hateful, racist remarks like the ones these two men made are not in my heart, so I could never say them, therefore I just don’t buy the excuse that they could come out of anyone’s mouth that didn’t mean them, at least a little, in the deepest, darkest part of their souls.

So since these men are, in my opinion, racist, why not admit it and try to change? They have plenty of protection and all the money they’ll ever need. (Hell, they have all the money most small countries would ever need!) So instead of saying, “I’m not a racist, I didn’t mean it!” why not send a great message and maybe even set an example for other people to overcome their biases, by saying, “You know what? I am a little bit racist. And that sucks. And I hate that about myself. So I’m going to get some help, some therapy and try to change.”

THAT I would believe… and respect.

Thanks

“I think it’s getting to the point
Where I can be myself again
I think it’s getting to the point
Where we have almost made amends
I think it’s the getting to the point
That is the hardest part
You think I only think about you
When we’re both in the same room
You think I’m only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think we’re here to play
A game of who loves more than whom
You think it’s only fair to do what’s
Best for you and you alone?
You think it’s only fair to do the same
To me when you’re not home?
I think its time to make this something that is:
More than only fair.
But I'm warning you, don't ever do
Those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you
Now its time to prove that you've come back here to rebuild.
And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I’ll point you home…”


I sent out a call for help
A low call
Just under the radar
A smoke signal most wouldn’t smell, let alone see
You not only noticed the post, you felt it…
The last person I expected to,
Was the first person on the case,
And deep down in my heart
I guess I hoped that’d be the case;
I suppose deep down, I always knew:
You always knew me best--
No matter how much time had passed
I guess deep down, it happened just as I had hoped…
Without an explanation,
Without a complication,
A hand to help, to save…
To lift me out of my dark cave:
You.

We all go a little mad sometimes...

This show and getting so immersed into Squeakland has messed with my head a bit. It's o.k., but I am definitely altered by the experience. I am going to have a serious problem adjusting after our final weekend (only two more shows, this Friday and Saturday)!!!!!! =( Thankfully I have a family trip for the week of Thanksgiving to distract me...

Thank you to all those that have helped me on this journey, especially Lynette herself.

"Ooh baby baby it's a wild world..."

"I've looked at life from both sides now..."

"I'm hungry
I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind
Everything's fine
I'm freezing
I'm starving
I'm bleeding death
Everything's fine..."

"Some days I just wanna up and call it quits,
I feel like I’m surrounded by a wall of bricks...
This is it, last straw, that’s all, that’s it,
[I'm not] dealing with another fucking politic...
But I’m a show you what, you're gonna feel my rush,
You don’t feel it then it must be too real to touch,
Feel to touch; I’m about to tear shit up,
Goosebumps, yeah I’m make your hair sit up,
Yeah sit up, I will tell you who I be,
I will make you hate me cause you aren’t me,
You aren’t, it isn’t to late to finally see,
What you close-minded fucks were too blind to see,
Whoever finds me, is gonna get a finders fee...
You need peace of mind, well here’s a piece of mine...
Yeah sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, just sometimes,
It's always me, how dark can these hallways be,
The clock strikes midnight, 1, 2, then half past 3..."

"Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you...

The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you..."

"I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I
Can't relax
I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me I'm a real live wire

Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away

You start a conversation you can't even finish it.
You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?

Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away

Ce que j'ai fais, ce soir la
Ce qu'elle a dit, ce soir la
Realisant mon espoir
Je me lance, vers la gloire ... OK
We are vain and we are blind
I hate people when they're not polite

Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est?"


"And through a fractal on that breaking wall
I see you my friend and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
Crazy are the people walking through my head
One of them has got a gun to shoot the other one...
Then maybe then maybe then maybe then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little crazy
In a sky full of people only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly
Ain't that crazy
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
But we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy
No no never survive unless we get a little bit
And then you see things
The size of which you've never known before
They'll break it
Someday
Only child know
Them things
The size
Of which you've never known before
Someday"

"Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love; love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

Oh I, don't bet, don't bend, don't break (don't break?)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
Love can help me know my name..."

My response

Dear Red,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while but I’ve been so busy getting the show open! Judging from your last letter, you were a bit overwhelmed with mail from me anyway. Sorry! =) We had a great response to our opening weekend! Everyone did a great job, and I don’t think anyone thought you a fool after watching my performance. Tons of people actually have asked me about you as a result, and all of them listen patiently as I educate them about you, telling them the FACTS which most had wrong or knew nothing about.

And of course you don’t squeak when you talk or wear beads, but I think we both discovered a while ago that historical accuracy wasn’t too important to the men who wrote “Assassins.” ;)

I was able to work the words you wanted me to into the show!!! Right before the bar scene, the stage is dimly lit while we set up the chairs and tables, and our director told us we could say whatever we want! So I talk about how many government officials are NOT public servants and don’t care enough about the earth, the air, the water or the animals, all of which are still being poisoned by “big business.”

For that and many reasons (mostly due to the incredible people involved), I am very proud to be playing you in this production and hope you would be too, if you could see it. I SO wish there was a way for you to at least hear the song I sing…oh well.

Thanks again for writing and I hope to hear from you again soon.

Always,
S

p.s.- a few of my friends have started to call me Squeak (not Squeaky) because of the show and also because I DO squeak sometimes when I’m excited!!! =)

4th Letter

“Shannon Barry~

I got the money you sent me. Thank you.”

(I sent her a few dollars for stamps and stationary)

“I've received so many letters and cards from you its hard to answer or keep them all. You said that your costumer for the show had brought you a long dress and beads to wear and I thought that a typical image that really never suited me. Although I was wearing a below the knee nice Albert Nipon dress under my robe—(I got the dress at a consignment store)—I generally wore them at all. The 60s, of course, were a notorious time for the mini mini and I've often been seen in outfits I can’t imagine wearing now. I never wore a mu mu or empire waist dress except to bed, and I and the girls I knew at the ranch didn’t wear petchuli (sp?) oil or beads. I don’t remember EVER wearing beads, not in the Haight, not in Hollywood, certainly not at the ranch, in the desert or in the woods. I didn’t own earrings or rings. Still don’t. I guess its hard to costume me—whoever or whatever me is supposed to be for whom and what and whatever.

L. Fromme

Pronounced w/ a long O Froh-me”