May

I highly recommend this book. It has been breaking my heart since page 8. I know, I know, I say things break my heart a lot. Well that’s because they do. And one of the reasons I love this book so much is because of the character May; I relate to her a lot. Not to say that I’m sensitive to quite the extreme she is… but, well, here:

“ “She sure does get upset easy,” I said.
“That’s because May takes in things differently than the rest of us do. . .when you and I hear about some misery out there, it might make us feel bad for a while, but it doesn’t wreck our whole world. It’s like we have a built-in protection around our hearts that keeps the pain from overwhelming us. But May—she doesn’t have that. Everything just comes into her—all the suffering out there—and she feels as if it’s happening to her. She can’t tell the difference.”
Rosaleen’s voice drifted from the kitchen window, followed by May’s laughter. May sounded so normal and happy right then, I couldn’t imagine how she’d gotten the way she was—one minute laughing and the next overrun with everybody’s misery.”

My dad has always talked about how from a very young age I would jump from the heights of joy to the depths of despair. I feel like May a lot, like I can’t separate the sorrows I see others endure from my own. How many times have I watched the news or a film and cried for hours? How many times have I seen a woman abusing her child on the subway, yelled at her to stop, and looked around, my eyes blurry with tears, searching for anyone else who might share my outrage? How many times have I had to have a loved one rock me, wracked with sobs, until I calmed down? It can be quite exhausting, but I guess it’s better than being numb.

When I’m acting, this quality comes in handy. People ask, when I have to get sad or angry during a scene, if I think of things in my own life that have caused these feelings in me. Usually I don’t have to though… just imagining what the character is going through, I feel as if it’s happening to me too… I can’t tell the difference. Just the other day in rehearsal, I cried during a scene and it took me 10 minutes to get out of it, to get even into a daze where I realized it wasn’t really my pain I was feeling, it was the role I’m playing.

I guess I’m just trying to say I am grateful to this author for creating this character. Thank you May. Thank you for making me realize I’m not the only crazy person out there… or the craziest…